Peace of Mind

These weeks I've been lamenting the lack of musical variety in my life.

My iTunes is about played out and I haven't been quite ready to flip the switch on Christmas music--especially since the Winter Wonderland has been a little delayed in arriving (sweaty days at last week's end). As I drove to school this morning, it fell in some fuller force with the whitey flashmob that blew across my windshield.

Which is why I started this post in the first place: not to say anything long-winded. Just to register my own little Hosanna in Excelsis: all because of Boston.

Well, Boston and the 8 bucks it cost me to pick up their greatest hits in the checkout line at Walgreen's yesterday (I also got CCR's Cosmo's Factory for $4!). I've been getting dangerous around stores. Since I like to cultivate this general feeling that I'm ludicrously busy (I'm really only stupid-busy: big difference)--anyway, since I cultivate this feeling, I put things like cooking, laundry, and grocery shopping off for pretty non-existent reasons. So when I do get to a commercial center of any sort, something primal that senses the need to hunt, gather, and accouter my camp with all necessary provisions sort of freaks out.

Last week I went to Kroger for Cereal and left with $67 worth of stuff--about half of which was edible product. Of course, the only reason I even made it over to the Krog was because I had decided to stop in at Taco Bell for some reading instead of using the drive through. That's how I have to do it: self-entrapment. I have to juke out my own tendency to avoid the simple and necessary deed that should be done, and done quickly. Approaching the car after my fresco fit tacos and 4,000 calorie soda I reason...

Oh? Look at that! You're like forty-three steps away from the store. That store that has the stuff you need to continue the whole cell growth and production thing. 

I turn towards the store.


Dude. What are you doing--you're way too busy (didn't I just spend forty minutes eating tacos and reading a non-assigned book?) busy busy busy! Besides, you've got like--half a shaker of pepper, and a jar of peanut butter left in the pantry. 

I turn towards the car.


Yeah, but the mayo is almost gone! 


Forty-five minutes later I walk out of Kroger. I don't even know what I've bought. I have three or four bags. There are edible things in some of them I am pretty sure. I'm almost certain that I got at least two more cans of the weird sirloin and shrimp canned soup I've never actually eaten. Bewildered I lurch to the car, throw in the bags and drive home.

Fast forward.

By the time I got to the counter in Walgreen's, I'd lost track of what exactly was in my hands. I remember eyeing a foam device that spaces out your toes.


That might come in handy some time (Dude, the photo expressly illustrates these are designed for people who wear dress shoes). Man, I should get my black dress shoes out of that locker in the aquatics center...they've been there for like--two months. I'd like to be able to wear black slacks again: all my khaki and earth tone pants are dirty...so are my jeans (Dude, I think you should just do some laundry: wait, stop. Focus. Put that toe-foam shit back.) Man, I bet these feel cool (Don't you see the pointed open-toe design in the picture? And the elevated heel? N/A: Not applicable.) Oh, look, there's that foot cream I came here for...


Some inner wisdom turns me away from the seasonal isle.

Notice I said lost track of what was in my hands. Because I didn't get a basket: I'm only here for two toiletry items. That's it. What the hell is all this junk. Snazzy socks for a buck a piece: oh yeah, clean socks and no need to do laundry for a couple more days. What else? I'm not sure. Before I can register all the crap my provisioning mania has left me holding (is that triple antibiotic ointment?) I spot the discount CDs.


Oooo: only $2?

Somewhere in the mix I hit the jackpot. I couldn't make out the CCR album as such at first. When I read the label on the side I was suspect. The first title on the back wasn't that impressive (Really? "Ramble Tamble?" I can probably count the amount of radio plays that one got on the fingers I'm not using to tote all this crap around the store) But wait! "Travelin' Band"? I've heard of that one... "Lookin' Out My Back Door"! Then they kept coming, "Who'll Stop the Rain," "I Heard it Through the Grapevine."

What a score.

Then, as I shuffled through the backwards angled stack with one hand, the storejunk shifted over to the crook of my left arm (by now I'm on one knee directly in front of the register, I have to reposition the junk and myself to let a guy get past me), I thumb upon a Spaceship emblazoned case and register certainty simultaneous with my disbelief. Yes: this does bear the trademark of the covers that have passed many a time on my Pandora feed. This is, in fact, a collection of the greatest hits of Boston. "Peace of Mind" is there. So is "More Than a Feeling." I can't believe my good fortune (when you don't download songs and rarely get around to buying albums since Pandora plays most of what you want, a good CD is kind of a big deal. Then again, a lot of things are kind of a big deal in my world).  "Long Time" "Amanda" and "Rock and Roll Band" (Classic!!) are all there as well.

It's a short trip back to the house. I don't listen to the CD till this morning. Which felt like Christmas morning for more reasons than the flurries. It's really rather strange that I haven't taken the five to fifteen bucks it costs to iTunes this stuff or grab it from a used CD's place before now. Especially when I enjoy it so much. Just to think: any time I want, I too can sing along with Tom Scholz's crew and their ironic falsettos and killer guitar riffs.

Today I told someone that I was really stoked because I picked up a Boston CD and was rocking out with it on the way to school. "How do you rock out to Boston?" I didn't really know what to say. Is asking that question tantamount to a constitutional inability to comprehend the answer?

Later on, in a small computer lab half-filled with enervated grad students I mentioned the CD. This time one of my compadres launched into a pretty full-throttle "No, we didn't have much money / We barely made enough to survive" and I joined in.

Awesome.

Then it was back to copying essays for evaluation and getting over to an office across campus to drop the forms off that should have been taken care of in the morning (well--should have been taken care of yesterday). Luckily, the next major activity to totally devour my attention was actually related to finishing coursework. A few hours later, around five pm, I emerged from a seat in the Library in a daze, having more or less completed my basic formal mapping of a novel.

What is it that I'm supposed to get done today?

Man, I need to get some agency.